Mommy Wants Her BODY Back: Change Of Direction

Being a visual and motivated individual I have often been one to change my mind at the last second and go off on some crazy adventure. My kids have been woken up at 6am on a Saturday and told they have 15 min to pack cause we are driving the 5 hrs to San Diego- no hotel plans, no plans at all- I just decided I rather spend the day at the beach.

After a few hard knocks from life I lost that spontaneity- I went from being decisive and adventurous to being unable to decide where I wanted to eat dinner. For a while it didn't bother me that I had become what can only be called a fearful person- it had to be fear, of what I couldn't tell you. In the beginning of my journey back to myself I tried to fake it and put on the face that I was decisive, and determined, and that I had my stuff together, but it that took a lot of effort and wasn't real. Inside I was still a broken, scared, little person who had taken what I perceived as failures and chose to let them determine my worth.

We really do build the walls of fear up around ourselves- we place each brick carefully so that something is between us and the pain that decision or event caused us. The problem is that each time we place a brick to protect us from the bad stuff we are also cluttering up and blocking the same path the good stuff is on. So if you feel like your constantly peering over at everyone else enjoying life it may be time to kick down some walls and let life in.

Life is messy, hard, can hurt, is sometimes scary- but it's also love, connection, joy, happiness, gratitude, comfort, warmth, and healing. It's a cycle, it can't be fantastic all the time, but it can't be horrible all the time either- unless you start building your walls camped out in the horrible part- and that's by choice.

So back to my change of direction- in starting this blog I have gone through multiple directions of what I thought it "should" be and I journeyed a little bit down each of those paths but trying to become and project who you are NOT is pretty exhausting and feels a lot like WORK. I'm not blogging to have another job- my vision is that it's an avenue of expression and inspiration to others. I cannot do that without being 100% authentic.

It was put upon my heart to create a video of my personal journey- the first half of my life, if you will. I say that because I actually feel like a different person now that it's "out there" and I know that the best part of my life journey lay ahead. What I've realized is it's creation is less about inspiring others and more about freeing myself- when the skeletons are out of the closet, there's a whole lot more room for beautiful stuff! My vision in this outlet is to EMPOWER CHANGE in others. That is going to mean a million different things to a million different people, but I want to be that person that tells them it's hard, it's scary, but IT'S WORTH IT.